Valentines Day is fast approaching! It’s not as bigger deal here as it is in the US… but I kind of like that there is a whole day devoted to love. However, on a day where there is a certain amount of commercial ‘pressure’, there are bound to be crushed expectations, and people who wish the day didn’t exist (reminding me of the anti-valentines party thrown by Jennifer Garners friend in the movie ‘Valentines Day’).

In light of all things love, I wanted to share a fascinating article I have just read. Titled: ‘To fall in love with anyone, do this‘. A rather large promise! The article is about a woman testing questions developed over 20 years ago by psychologist Arthur Aron to see if answering them with a partner/stranger could result in falling in love.

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

I wanted to post the questions on here, because even if you are already married, or have only just started dating someone, these questions force you to get vulnerable, generating trust and intimacy in a relatively short amount of time. In a normal dating relationship, it might take weeks, months, or even years to figure these things out about your partner.

I love the way the author of the article summed up her experience of the experiment. “Most of us think about love as something that happens to us. We fall. We get crushed. But what I like about this study is how it assumes that love is an action. I’ve begun to think love is a more pliable thing than we make it out to be. Arthur Aron’s study taught me that it’s possible — simple, even — to generate trust and intimacy, the feelings love needs to thrive.”

Whatever you do, or don’t do, this Valentines day, remember love is an action. You need to continually put effort into whatever relationships you have in your life so they can flourish and grow. This might mean you simply spend time walking together, it might mean dinner in a fancy restaurant, it might mean telling your partner what you appreciate about them, or writing them a sweet card. I agree with Mandy. Love doesn’t happen to you – you make a choice to be there, Love is a verb requiring action.

Let me know if you do the experiment, and answer these questions. I would love to know your thoughts. x