Honestly, I can’t believe we’ve been married 7 years! It sounds like a long time to me, but it hasn’t felt like it. But then, I can’t really remember what life was like without Sam. We’ve been together 10 years now!
Of course there have been times of trial and struggle, as I think every healthy relationship will go through. In many ways, Sam and I have grown up together and thankfully we’ve grown closer as a couple over the years. We don’t have a perfect relationship, and we don’t have it all figured out, but we’ve learnt a few things over 7 years of being married.
Today, I wanted to share with you my 5 game changing insights from 7 years of marriage.
1) Don’t be tempted to compare your relationship to your friends.
In the beginning, I really struggled with this! From the outside, some of our friends relationships seemed perfect! They always held hands, they praised each other in public, and honestly sometimes I would get jealous! But comparison is so destructive, in any aspect of life. I was looking at others relationships from an outsider perspective, and drawing my own conclusions of what they were like as a couple, when in reality I had no idea! I soon realised what I was doing was completely unfair to Sam, my friends and myself.
2) Make time for each other without your screens.
I think this is so important. It’s tempting to have your phone right beside you while you eat dinner together, it’s tempting to check messages and social media, when really, what matters most is sitting right in front of you. It’s healthy to have boundaries around disconnecting from the internet when you are with your partner, making sure you give your full attention to each other, which you both deserve.
3) Discover Love Languages.
I would highly recommend taking the Love Languages test online. When we were first married I would frequently communicate to Sam how much I appreciated and loved him. But turns out, his love language is Quality Time. So my verbal affirmations don’t have the same impact on him, as they would on me. When I realised this, it was really eye opening! Even though it doesn’t come completely naturally to me, I know that spending quality time with Sam (no phones, no nothing) has more of an impact on him, then a kind word would.
4) Share your struggles with each other. Even if you think it might upset or annoy the other person.
Being open and honest with each other is so crucial! There have been times where I’ve been tempted to keep something that is bothering me close to my chest, because I didn’t want to burden Sam with it. But that’s what being married is all about! Sharing your life together, the good, bad and even the ugly parts. It’s important to be vulnerable, and chances are it might even bring you closer together.
5) Be careful who you share your relationship struggles with.
It’s not always wisest to share your relationship struggles with family or close friends! Even though it might seem natural to share your relationship problems with the people you are closest to, be careful. When you and your partner move on from the issue and sort things out, they will probably still remember it! It’s never a good idea to talk about your partner behind their back. Always speak with each other first before anyone else.
Now, I would love to hear from you. Do you have any big lessons you’ve learnt from your relationship? If you think that someone in your life might benefit from this post, please feel free to share and spread the love around! xx
Thank you Caitlin for the photo. x